Grandma's are the best... and my kids have been blessed with two amazing grandma's! Today my mom came and took the three oldest kids to the children's theater... also known as the "feeder." I love having my mom so close and that my kids are able to have such a close relationship with her! (Not gonna lie... the couple hours with just Tucker and me were a nice perk.)

So thankful for those occasional days when I wake up motivated and ready to clean clean clean! (I'm sure David is grateful for those days too!)

While I was standing in line at the grocery store today I was reading some of the headlines on the covers of magazines. I thought to myself... Man, I'm glad I'm not famous. I can go about and live my life, make mistakes, enjoy my children without being scrutinized by others! That's a pretty awesome thing!

Today I am grateful for my awesome husband!  He likes to think outside the box and I tend to think very much in the box so I think we compliment each other well! He is always coming up with fun things to do... whether it's going to Hawaii for 2 days to go camping or going to a live taping of America's Got Talent! He is such a go getter and lots of things I do reluctantly (always worrying about the kids etc) but am always glad we do! He is amazing!

Today I found this website called Orange Rhino! It's about a lady who took a self-challenge to not yell at his kids for a year. The article I read was about what she learned after not yelling for a year! This article struck a cord with me because: I am a yeller! I don't know how it happened. It was like I started yelling a little, then more, and it became this downward spiral! I hate yelling! I hate feeling how I feel after I do! Mostly, I hate how I know it must make my kids feel! Yesterday I snapped at Aidan(over nothing) and I literally saw the expression on his face turn from concern(about his dinner, which I was well aware of after he had already told me 4 times) to pain(would it have killed me to acknowledge his concern one more time in a calm manner... no!) I once hung a sign on my fridge that said: You're yelling so loud, I can't hear what you are saying! It's true. I yell so much my kids tune me out so I yell louder and clearly it becomes a never-ending battle.

So, why am I writing about this on my blog about JOY. Surly yelling and feeling like a rotten mom is not something that brings joy. But, instead of beating myself up about it... I am renewed. Recommitted! Will I take the challenge not to yell at my kids for an entire year... not sure! (I'm thinking about it) This article was just what I needed today! It reminds me that there are other's out there who struggle with the same things, whose kids tell them they hate them, who are not perfect. And it reminds me mostly that I CAN BE BETTER!

Today was pretty awesome! There were a few things that stuck out to me as being extra cool!

- All the kids were outside with David in the backyard and Tucker was sitting at the back window watching them. He was on his knees  bouncing up and down with excitement. All of a sudden, he put one foot on the ground, reached his arms up higher on the glass, and then just stood. I'm like 99% sure that this was the first time he has done that and I just got to watch him go at it. See... awesome!

-  I was holding Tucker tonight in my arms. All the other kids were in bed and the house was quite. Tucker had been giggling and laughing and of course I was loving every min with my happy little boy! I said, "Tucker say "mama"" and he turned his head to look right at me and said clear as day "mama." You could tell that he knew exactly what he was saying and what it meant.

Today at church... no lie... one of the talks was about finding joy. David and I just looked at each other and smiled because him and I have been discussing this little journey of mine. It was just another affirmation that I'm on the right track!

Owen climbed up on my lap today and asked me to rock him like a baby! Gladly! He then gave me 4 sweet little kisses.(Insert me melting right about here!) He then started to cry like a baby! (Moment over... I hear enough of that crying during the day ;)) and then he was off and running. Little does he know that I will be more then happy to hold him like a baby when he's 13 or even 30 (okay maybe that's a stretch.) Love those little moments!

And how's this for a drop of awesome! Managed to clean the blind above my kitchen window that has not been done, well... since we moved in (shhhh... don't tell anyone!) One drop of awesomeness done... 10 windows drops to go!

Today I am so very grateful that even when David's away we can stay connected. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a pilot's wife back in the day when wives just had to wait by the house phone to maybe get a call a day. Instead, we talk several times a day on the phone, exchange pictures, skype, and text. Here are some of the pictures we exchanged today...

Today I am greaful for this article. It's a great reminder that I don't have to be awesome all the time(because that's pretty much impossible... just ask my kids!) Today I am striving for lots of drops of awesome!

 

 

DROPS OF AWESOME

 This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.

 

It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.

 

When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.

As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. How many 12-year-old boys do you see swinging hands happily with their mommies?

I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy. Nearly.

 

Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him. My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face. Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow. This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.

 

You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.

Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.

That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.

How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?

 

As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.

Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.

 

I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!

I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!

I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!

I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!

 

All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!

 

When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.

 

By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

 

As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.

Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”

 

These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.

And that’s okay.

 

You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.

You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”

 

In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”

 

Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.

 

As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.

 

With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?

 

At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.

 

When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?

I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.

 

I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.

 

I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:

“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)

Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.